Mega Shark Of The Malibu (2009)
Director: David Lister
review by Ian Hunter
Mega Shark Of The Malibu could easily be confused
with Mega Shark In Malibu because they are actually the same film. Probably,
'in' makes more sense than 'of the' in the title, although there is actually more than one shark on the prowl here. Sad to say, before we even
get to the main feature there is a trailer for Mega Piranha
starring Tiffany, more famous for the hit song I Think We're Alone Now, although she does have a string of TV appearances behind her
(mainly in documentaries about herself); and also a trailer for Mega
Shark Vs Giant Octopus starring 1980s' pop poppet Deborah Gibson. Two former singers..? Do I detect a trend here? Sadly there are no old
pop stars on show in MSOTM, but I'm glad to see that Tiffany and Debbie will be teaming up in the eagerly-anticipated (well, by someone
surely) 'Mega Python vs. Gatoroid'.
I mention the trailers because these ludicrous two-minute snapshots with their appalling special effects and over-the-top acting are probably
more entertaining than the whole of MSOTM. Here we have that old chestnut of underground tremors releasing six badass goblin sharks from
their subterranean prison, and boy have these things worked up an appetite, but the twist is that the tremors have resulted in a tsunami which
soon floods the American coast and gives the sharks even more of a chomping ground after a couple of initial kills and biting off of limbs from
passing surfers and para-gliders.
Before you can say BayWatch and teeth, and I don't mean the Hoff's pearly whites, we have two groups of heroes - the lifeguards and the
construction workers with lifeguard Heather (played by Peta Wilson best remembered - to me, anyway - for playing Nikita in the TV series
La Femme Nikita, and Mina Harker in
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen). She's the link between both groups, having
dumped her (now ex) lifeguard boyfriend (who is handily a former Navy SEAL) for a construction worker who is trying to rescue her from the
semi-submerged lifeguard tower as the sharks circle and close in.
All of this leaves us with a film that mashes up Jaws,
and Piranha, and Deep Blue Sea, starring a bunch of handsome hunks and
hunkesses who look good, but can't act, and get the chance to be heroic, or scream their heads off when required, which really isn't often
enough, as all in all there is insufficient blood or guts or ripped up shark victims to hold the interest even with plenty of scenes in
half-flooded corridors - watch out for that fin!
The writing and directing and acting are all on a par with the special effects which are pretty ropey. It's not very fast, it's unintentionally
funny, it's rubbish in a harmless sort of way, and reasonable entertainment if you are watching with friends and industrial quantities of alcohol
which make it okay to root for the sharks, after all, it's not their fault they ended up in such a bad movie without the prospect of a pop star
to munch on.